Cohabitating with my doubts.

Tumblr Post #1 (December 2015)

I’ve been told that the hardest thing about writing a novel is convincing yourself that what you have to say is worth being told. Actually…no one has told me this. But it’s something that I’m learning along the way. I am currently on my third attempt at writing my first serious book and just within the past two months, I’ve seen it evolve from an anthology to a bibliography to a fiction that incorporates stories inspired by actual events in my life.

Prior to my current stage of writing, I spent a great deal of time trying to build enough courage to actually put pen to paper. Of course no one told me that it would be easy to write a book. However, for some reason I was under the impression that once I made up my mind to actually start writing, then the hard part was over. WRONG. Not only did I immediately start doubting myself as soon as the first words were written, but I’m still hesitant with each paragraph that I complete. With that being said, I still try to maintain a level of confidence in my writing and storytelling abilities by reminding myself that if absolute idiots can write books, both fiction and nonfiction, then so can I.

The only thing that sets these idiots apart from me is their ability to get out of their own way and write despite themselves. They were able to get out of their own heads and write despite the little voice questioning whether what they were attempting to say had already been said; had already been written by other literary great like Toni Morrison and Maya Angelou. Somehow, these idiots were able to write in the face of their doubts telling them reconsider, reevaluate and reimagine.

Now that I think about it, maybe they aren’t idiots after all…at least in this context. They’ve been able to mentally conquer a feat that I have yet to figure out how to do. I’m sure it’s going to take some time. And who know, maybe there’s actually no cure for first-time-writer’s paranoia. Maybe the idiots and the greats alike never really learn how to tune out the internal voices telling them that what they have to say probably isn’t as important as they may think. Instead, they just learn to live with the doubts without letting the doubts consume them.

Cohabitation is key.

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